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Pages: Guess I'm looking for advice. [1]
Author Topic: Guess I'm looking for advice.
sven

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2011-01-03 3-43-29-

Guess I'm looking for advice. Not sure what anyone is going to be able to do for me here, but I guess I'm looking for some help. My wife and I have been married 4 years and have been together for a total of 6 years. We love each other to death, we've had our share of fights but we alwasy work through everything. So when we first got together everything was great, sex was amazin and constant. But gradually over the years she started having pain during sex and irritation. As time passed the pain became greater and the irritation grew into yeast infections. It's gotten to the point were any insertion causing extreme pain, and even oral sex causes yeast. She has seen many doctors and has to surgeries for endometriosis within a year. The problem is that sex has stopped entirely, which I can understand to a point, she can use some toys and I can still work the outside of her with my hand but she will not do anything to me. The last time we did anything together was last year on my birthday. Now my birthday is coming up in a couple weeks and I realize that I have been able to get off in a year. I've had some problems myself and I am not able to do anything for meself when i'm in a committed relationship. I've been told it's some sort of psyhic problem. So I'm really fustrated, and so is she, she blames herself for not being a good wife and being able to please her husband. When I ask her about bj's or hand jobs she says that it's not fair that she should please me but I can't please her. I really do love my wife and don't want to cheat on her but it's becoming really hard since i'm in my 20's and my sex drive is through the roof. So what do ya'll think?
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beckham

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Posts: 6

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2011-01-03 13-55-17

I ask her about bj's or hand jobs she says that it's not fair" You guys need some time with a good sex therapist. The mechanics of orgasms and sexual pleasure go WAY beyond the ole in and out. ALSO- -see another MD or 2 about her endometriosis- -
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glassco

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2011-01-04 2-34-50-

I would like to Getting a therapist involved would be great, unfortunatly we have been really short of cash for a long time and just can't pay for We have seen many MD's about the problems she has, which is another reason we are short on cash, and no has been able to find anything out.
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postema

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Posts: 8

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2011-01-04 6-14-03-

sorry, she is selfish You offer to take care of her, she should do the same. I am sorry she is in pain, but no sex for a year in your 20's, wow. Amazing you have not gone elsewhere. You have been beyond patient.
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  • lafrance

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    2011-01-04 8-19-45-

    endometriosis is really lame, however I can honestly say that if I became sexually handicapped (for lack of a better term) I'd be the Bj and HJ queen. In fact, I already do that for him when Im either not in the mood or having a rough period or whatever. It absolutely IS fair, not everything need be reciprocal all the time. I dont undertand though about your lack of ability to take care of yourself also? I hope the surgery helps her, best to both of you.
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    Tricia

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    2011-01-04 9-19-10-

    That is a problem all its own I have tried everything in the past, toys, movies, lube, I can try for hours but I can never finish myself. I've even had a GF watch me once and eventually she got bored so she took over. For some reason when i'm in a committed relationship I can not get myself off, I was once told by a friend in school to become a shrink that deep consciencely I feel like I'm cheating on me SO.
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    dobratz

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    2011-01-05 4-45-31-

    thats gotta suck. I'm sorry. so, can you guys play together? she touching you and you her?
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  • gutierrez

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    2011-01-05 11-49-39

    only you know what is best ... You can be great friends and love another and be really committed to loving ea other, but as far as a marriage and sexual intimacy, it sounds like it's over. Just curious, what do you see in the future with this marriage? Do you see more of the same in terms of not having sexual intimacy? Or do you see a shift? If you don't see a shift and if it's important to you, then look at getting a divorce. It's totally fair, appropriate and reasonable that you have sexual intimacy with your spouse. Your needs are totally legit. I hope you find the courage and the will to end this marriage. You know, sometimes life delivers lessons that are hard to fathom. For whatever reason, there is a lesson for you in this. Maybe it has to do with standing up for your needs and not settling for less. Only you know what's best. Good Luck,
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  • pressey

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    2011-02-10 17-46-11

    I have thought about that especially recently, we were told that if she needs treated for endo more time that a hysterectomy would be in order. This of course would probable be the final blow, at this point in my life I really was looking forward to having and raising a family. I feel completely horrible about thinking that if she can't have then I would really start considering a divorce. We talked adoption, and it may be because I'm a man but I would always want a that's from my own genes. I've stuck with her through everything she has been going through. Our marraige is the greatest relationship I've ever had except for this issue. We always have hope and faith that the MD's will clear up the problem and she can be normal again. As far as the future go we both just dream of being a normal couple again like in the beginning.
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    pricer

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    2011-02-27 15-55-02

    I think you need couples counseling... you have some issues that extend beyond the lack of sex.
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    greenhouse

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    2011-06-24 0-42-51-

    Have they considered birth control. Endo runs in my family...it's horrible. Every female in my family has been on birth control for the issue. In most of the cases (including my own) it cleared it up for me in less than a year and I was able to get off of it with a regular period/ability to have ren etc. I am sure that someone has considered this but just in case they have not you should mention this as an effort before a hysterectomy. What is your stand on trying now to conceive. That also helped with the endo for my family...being pregnant that is. Dunno if thats an option or impossible or whatever and not sure its the best way to do things considering the HUGE problem that you have as of now but just asking.
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  • parsefal

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    2011-12-04 1-15-25-

    strike the thought of having ren now. I can't believe I even considered that. Sorry. I am surprised I wasn't negged. I think that now is not a good time for you to even consider. You need counseling. For you and for your relationship. There are too many things going on here.
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  • Gerald

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    2012-09-09 14-30-45

    She's been on BC from the start Another issue on trying to concieve is that in this process we have found out that her uterus is highly sensitive and can not with stand the PH levels of sperm. So we have looked into artificial insimenation as a alterntive but was told until the endo is gone having a baby would be high risk.
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    wyffels

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    2013-02-25 3-36-34-

    This is a tough I have never heard of this...ever. You married. Vows. All that jazz you know. I feel terrible for both of you. I think in most cases I would say to stand firm on getting taken care of or you have grounds for divorce. But thissituation I am not sure because of all of her issues. I would considered saving some of her eggs (in case of a hysterectomy) and maybe a surrogate mother would be a better alternative to having ren. Then its both of yours just not putting her at high risk. Q-What do they say about the hysterectomy...would it solve the problems of pain and such so that you could return to a normal healthy sex life? I think that if she is feeling depressed/bad for not being a good wife she should be doing more than she is to take care of your needs. But maybe she feels too bad. Maybe you should do individual therapy to solve your problem of feeling like you are cheating if you materbate. That might help until she is well.
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  • flemming

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    2014-01-14 16-03-14

    um, weird so in the beginning her uterus wasn't "allergic" to your sperm, but now it is?
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    soto

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    2014-01-31 6-22-27-

    She would get slight cramps when ever we had sex without protection. Then we learned that she was allergic to latex so stopped using condoms entirely and prayed for the pill to work it's magic. after a couples months when ever we would finish she would get cramps so bad that she could move out of bed. That's when we found out of her uterus being sensitive.
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  • almgren

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    2015-06-19 10-01-33

    Are you on medication of any kind? I just read on a website that if you are changing your diet or you take medications it can be passed through the sperm into her. Has anything changed on your end?
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    ebron

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    2015-08-14 6-14-35-

    Read this... I am researching some other things too. Sometimes we have to research things on our own and find a doctor that will try other things than the book. Read that. Take it to your doc. See if that might help. Maybe I am wrong but its worth a shot. ???
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    dameron

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    2016-01-18 1-25-53-

    Thanks, we both changed everything in our lives after we found out about the "allergy". We were giving a list of thigns to stop eating and using to lower ph levels. There was a lot in the article that we have already read, but the injections are new, it's sounds like a sound theory. I'll have to bring this up with her but currently it's beyond the allergy. Due to the endo we can't can sex right now so currently it would do anything for her.
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  • krepps

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    2016-03-24 3-22-19-

    Before I answer understand that I have not brought anything up about sex during the operation or recovering period. but currently we can not because she is still recovering from her last operation and before the operation we couldn't due to extreme pain it would cause her.
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