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Pages: r'ship pollish: levels of drive, ambition, etc. [1]
Author Topic: R'ship pollish: levels of drive, ambition, etc.

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2011-01-03 3-46-13-

r'ship pollish: levels of drive, ambition, etc. Is it important to you to have a partner with similar life/career ambitions? Or does it work better not to be similar? Why or why not? How does it add or detract or otherwise color your relationship with each other? I'm asking as a relatively driven person myself with a relationship history which spans the gamut as far as drive in partners go. I'm also conscious of the most successful being with a partner who was also very career driven. Per life having a mordant sense of humor at times, our ambitious career paths and life passions added lots of positives -and- created points of stress all at the same time. ;-( Still, I suspect that's always going to be a major draw for me, and it would have to be for any prospective partner as well given the kinds of hours cooks on the chef-track work. There is plenty of easier and much higher paying work I could do instead, but nothing engages my mind and all my senses like cooking does, and I think I'm always going to be bent this way. Cooking and feeding people makes me happy. That said, culinary is also notorious for being Divorce Central. I also enjoy being around someone with a developed skill set in some other area of work or knowledge, especially different from mine; that's a big draw. I like seeing them do their thing and do it well, and I like hearing them talking about it and explaining it. That doesn't stop me from wishing someone would invent a time-stretcher, though.
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2011-01-03 14-44-46

I think life ambitions matter more than career ones. Careers change much in our lifetimes and often we get started in something we think we need to do then later end up wondering what we have been doing all this time and (hopefully) switch to something we love. This is all in a vacuum since I am single, but I care that my partner is happy and loves what they do. I care that we have what we need and are able to do the things we want to do. I can be quite driven but I am also working hard for balance. I need fun and sometimes have to be nudged and reminded to actually do it. I want a well rounded life. I am drawn more to the passion has for what they do and that they leave and come home with a smile over how many grueling hours were put in or what the spoils are. What fun is a mansion if you are too wiped out to enjoy it? I do admire and respect a strong work ethic. But that isn't all there is. Thats my input :-)
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  • parrill

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    2011-01-03 21-07-48

    One of us better start to make a living soon :-o Just kidding. This is an interesting question. To me, the critical bit is when you said : "nothing engages my mind and all my senses like cooking does ... " I wouldn't begrudge a sweetie that kind of engagement in her work, whatever her work was. But I can't imagine getting very involved for very long with someone who was ambitious for its own sake -- for the stuff that comes with a high-paying job rather than the job itself. If that makes sense. So yeah, it's probably fairly important to me to be with someone whose ambitions are in line with mine (which is to say, I guess, not very corporate, whatever form that takes). Otherwise I think there can be big power imbalances that can cause weirdness.
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    2011-01-04 18-39-33

    indeed, you are correct 8-)
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    2011-01-04 22-58-51

    Having dated all kinds I think it is better that both folks in the relationship be passionate about what their career/life choices are. My wife is completely dedicated to being the best pilates instructor, but for now dance/choreography is what she is most dedicated to. I changed life paths entirely right after we started dating and am about to do it again. We have found for us as long as we are supporting each other in our goals it makes it easier to make the leap, also to take a bigger risk. I would not have been able to make the change coming if she would not have supported me in making the leap. She also a few years back needed to work less and train with on of the world leaders in pilates. I encouraged her not to wait and just go for it now she is finished and working for/with this person. On that note I don't think if either of us was not highly motivated that we would have lasted very long.
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  • batson

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    2011-01-04 23-52-57

    slight non sequitor question does your wife you her wife, also? husband? and did you think about it much or did it just happen naturally? i was just asked by a coworker why her sister s her partner "husband" - and i was like dude, you'd have to ask them - there could be a variety of reasons.
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    2011-01-05 1-16-07-

    Yes she does although not as often as I refer to her as my wife. The other day I had to be put under anesthesia and the doctor woke me up and asked who was there to take me home and I said my wife. She probably would have just said my partner. I work at a theater and a few years back I had to work equality forum and the panel discussion was the pioneers of the gay civil rights movement and of the things I took with me was the importance of saying out loud wife or husband. He went on to say that if we don't it marriage and say our husbands/wifes than how can we ask/expect others to it that.
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  • alling

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    2011-01-05 5-46-02-

    which does she say - wife or husband? sorry, i'm still a little confused about that part :-) i think it's great that you do it, either way. i hate the term partner; it seems more appropriate for business than love. not that there are so many great alternatives, but i wish there were.
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  • perret

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    2011-01-05 8-06-40-

    oh sorry i was not more clear we both say wife.
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  • ewig

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    2011-01-05 12-23-59

    our official and legal Canadian vows said "wedded wives" i wasn't sure how, "you are now wife and wife." would be... awkward. i her my wife usually and it took some practice.
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  • edger

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    2011-02-13 18-44-00

    thats awesome!
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  • truchan

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    2011-03-04 5-59-52-

    i think it's most important that a partner be interesting. interested and interesting. being passionate about a job can help a person be more interesting, but so can many other things. i imagine someone who was really driven wouldn't want to put up with my laid-back ways, anyhow :-)
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    2011-04-09 21-45-34

    I'd like to say that it doesn't matter to me about money, career, or ambition, that I would ideally be content with a complement, someone who is at ease doing the things that can be challenging for me, and vice versa. I'd like to say that what we have to do in the work world to make ends meet doesn't really matter to me. I'd like to say that what's really important is that both people are happy, or as happy as they can be. I'm an educated professional and I make good money. I'd like to say that I don't need my partner to be likewise educated or professional or to make as much money. I'd like to say that I would support my partner through a career change and would hope for the same in return. I'm not especially happy in my career anymore, I've been at it a long time, I am endangered by obsolescence and I need a change. And any change I make will drastiy change my income, my professional standing, etc. It would probably be difficult for both partners to be in the same place at the same time but I'd like to say that in a true partnership it would work out somehow. I'd like to say all of the above but from my perspective, equality matters. Equality of drive, ambition, education, professionalism and even income. The reality is that very few of us get to actually do what we love. The majority of us are putting foot in front of the other, trying to carve out a living the best we can and we need to know that our significant others are doing at least the same, working at least as hard for the money. Nobody is going to take the risk of loving me right now or considering me as a partner knowing that I need such a fundamental change in my life. People expect equality and balance and while I have it to offer right now, it's a precarious balance. Making me a pretty lousy prospect which, sadly, I completely understand. That's my take anyway.
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  • rivas

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    2011-04-11 22-42-22

    depends! my gut reaction when i think of "driven career woman" is "unable to enjoy the moment woman." i know that's because of my life experiences. but it makes it hard not to cringe a little.
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    2011-09-21 6-49-10-

    I like this thread I think just the existence of ambition and career drive is much more valuable than any type of similarity of career fields or whatnot. Ambition (coupled with follow-through,) driven by passion, is of the sexiest things a woman can possess. I would be equally enthralled with, say, a social activist making next to nothing, as, say, maybe(hmmm..,) an m.d. who loves what she does for the fulfillment that it brings. I honestly don't think I could truly connect with someone who is working just to work. I value ambition and passion above many things in a partner, closely followed by other things like emotional maturity, intelligence, creativity, and authenticity. Income is not on my list, nor is the condition that their passion be even remotely related to my passions. It just has to be there and be acted on, that's all. And, yeah, CB, you have a point about how cool it is to hear about someone else's world and expertise. I totally agree.
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  • lockaby

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    2012-05-07 7-58-18-

    I had to think about this .. I think it depends on what's easier for you to work around: fiscal restrictions or time restrictions. I wouldn't be inclined to date someone who wasn't passionate about anything, so everyone I've been with has been involved in something which drives them... I think it's important to find someone who wants the same things out of a relationship as you do. I dated a driven insurance claims adjuster who worked longer hours than I did - but she wanted to be with me every spare second of the day. It was too much - I need some autonomy. I've dated someone who was a part-time student and had no job. But she wasn't as into me as I was into her, so I always felt rejected and left out of her life. If you're both driven people you can understand how it is when year-end ramps up, when you have to work a few weekends in a row, so maybe you'd be more inclined to cut each other some slack. But if you were both working crazy schedules, maybe you wouldn't have enough time for each other - it comes back to what you're looking for. I guess it's a question of how compatible what you're both looking for is with what you both have to offer.
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