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Pages: If you go on a dating site but see in a match's [1]
Author Topic: If you go on a dating site but see in a match's
leiser

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Posts: 2

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2011-01-03 1-10-25-

If you go on a dating site but see in a match's profile that she has never been with a woman, would you still consider contacting her if you like the rest of her profile?
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cassone

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2011-01-03 17-12-01

Are you asking because you have never been with a woman and want to decide if you be honest about that or not? At the very least say bi, not gay. There are lots of people out there with lots of opinions on the matter. Best thing is to be honest and find the right fit based on that honesty.
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fredrich

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2011-01-03 21-16-00

yes. I put that it would be my first time and I haven't received any emails. Of course they may not be interested for other reasons but I just wanted to make sure that my honesty wasn't killing me completely.
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summit

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2011-01-04 3-20-53-

Honesty is best, even if it takes longer.
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  • stith

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    2011-01-04 6-17-13-

    Thank you for your encouragement
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    sousley

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    2011-01-04 8-03-22-

    Other reasons because your handle is the rather male "Jorge"?
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    overbay

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    2011-01-04 9-19-06-

    thank you for the tip but this is just my handle (its a NY Yankee thing). My dating website handle is different.
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  • Wieslaw

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    2011-01-04 10-59-10

    A question not a criticism :-.
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  • Zehra

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    2011-01-05 3-36-56-

    i really didn't take it as criticism. thanks for your helpful advice
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  • almgren

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    2011-01-05 5-57-24-

    I may be old and cranky but I'm vaguely turned off by the phrase "Never been with a woman before" though fine with the phrase "Haven't dated women before." I guess it's an expectation thing -- whether someone's emphasis seems to be on sexual experimentation as quickly as possible, or making genuine connections.
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  • querry

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    2011-01-05 8-58-03-

    hello, i don't have it as never... on the dating site. i put it a little better than that but used never just for a quick description on the forum.
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    shu

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    2011-01-05 10-24-42

    thank you very much. i didn't think of that.
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  • Annie

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    2011-02-07 11-52-15

    Well now that is a pretty fine distiction that never crossed my mind before, but I agree - "dated" as opposed to "been with" could make a big difference. It just feels better to me too, and I'm neither old nor cranky! ;)
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    broadley

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    2011-03-24 2-29-05-

    just my opinion "Been with" is a circumstance, not an insult. Get over it. We are all so worried about making someone else feel bad that we lose sight of reality. " I have not had sexual relations with a homosapian of the female gender" is that better? Damn people, get over yourselves.....
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  • yarnell

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    2011-08-21 14-20-31

    You are perhaps missing the larger point which as I said has to do with whether someone's emphasis is on the sex part of dating or the connecting with humans part of dating, and whether individuals have a similar enough emphasis to be likely to have a successful dating experience.
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  • caylor

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    2011-11-08 4-41-54-

    As Nushka wisely notes There is a distinction to be made between writing an ad for a potential employee, and writing an ad in hopes of contacting and appealing to a like-minding human being who is also seeking some sort of relationship that would presumably include friendship.
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  • Abraham

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    2011-12-15 15-43-18

    personal ads have a language all their own Just as "versatile" usually means "bottom" and "height and weight proportionate" means "doesn't go to the gym" ads also have their own language. "Curious" usually means "horny" and "bisexual" usually means "I'm married to a man or I have a boyfriend". Because the vast majority of single people want to date other single people not women who are hooked up with a guy many people will skip right by ads that contain these code words. I'm bisexual and I'm proud to be bisexual. I've been interviewed in magazine articles where I specifiy asked that I be ed bisexual but when it comes to personal ads I think it is just much better to use the catch-all term "queer" instead. "Queer" means you know you are interested in women, you are presumably single and you will probably introduce a potential girlfriend to all your friends. That's really all most people want and after you go out on a few dates you can discuss specific labels. If you are more comfortable identifying as "bi" or "bisexual" I would advise putting "single" in your ad too to clarify things. I know it seems redundant but a lot of people who skip past ads from bi people are going to be more open to it if they know you don't have some boyfriend lurking in the wings. I wouldn't discuss past sexual experience until the point in dating when most people have "the conversation" about safer sex and sexual history and whatnot. Most people discuss that stuff several dates and a week or in when people know each other better and the relationship might become sexual. If you bring this up as a big topic right away it might add a lot of pressure and expectations to the already high pressure situation of personal ad dating.
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    blahnik

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    2012-10-02 3-08-58-

    Interesting Honestly? If someone said they were "queer" and ended up being "bi" I would feel as if they did not properly represent themselves. I see "queer" as a catchall name for gay men and lesbians. I think that the bi community has real challenges in the naming department because of the "curious" and what I sexual opportunists. I know there are 'true' bisexuals who practice monogamy who often get a bad rap for the others. It seems as though there should be more defining terms. Frankly the hooked up curious with partners that are okay with them seeing others should really be ing themselves "poly", shouldn't they? Anyway, it is clearly complicated. Bi and single, for me at least, seems most accurate.
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    elamin

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    2013-07-01 9-57-47-

    to me Queer is inclusive of all LGBTI people! It becomes your business to find out if the Queer person you are considering dating is within range of someone you can have a committed relationship with. And anyone wanting a non-committed relationship would need to equally discerning!
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    hert

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    2014-05-12 3-44-19-

    my feeling is sexual history should come up when sex comes up: probably around the third to fifth date. You discuss likes and dislikes, past partners, identity and safer sex. There is a point in dating when things are about to possibly turn physical and that's the time to discuss anything serious related to sex and relationships whether it's being transgender, being bi or gay, being kinky or the fact that you are recovering from a x year relationship that just ended and you eat a pint of ice cream and cry every night. If something about a person's history or identity is a deal breaker then things just don't go any further. No harm no foul. Chances are especially with personal ads that either nothing will result or just a friendship will result. There is maybe a x in x possibility of romance. So while I think it would be really terrible to hide something about oneself for months ( I'd assume the person wasn't just a liar but ashamed) I also think it would be kind of odd to talk a lot about sex, identity or past history in the beginning.
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  • osinski

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    2015-06-12 2-37-15-

    I hate to say this but there's another reason I think identity should come up when sexual history is discussed. For a lot of people especially when they are young there is a gap between identity and behavior and the labels people use don't tell you everything. A certain percentage of people sometimes mess around outside of their identity. Not everyone but certainly some people do. They say it doesn't mean anything and I take them at their word but while we as a culture tend to define identity in terms of emotional connections not sex you do need to be honest about sexual behavior. Just as an example I'm pretty much a serial monogamist. A normal situation for me would be that I had a relationship with a manyears ago, we practiced safer sex and I've been to a doctor a few times since then. Let's say I go out on a date with a lesbian who works at a bar. Once a month she gets drunk and goes home with the bartender who on other nights goes home with lots of other women at the bar. Statistiy there are some bi people who have fewer partners and fewer male partners than some lesbians just based on dating behavior. Some lesbians have an ex husband in their past and I'd want to know about that too. I'd also want to know if she works at a lesbian bar and goes home with a different woman once a month though that would be less of an issue risk-wise. I REALLY need to know this and just discussing identity and who a person has emotional connections and relationships with is not going to tell me that.
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  • ignacio

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    2015-08-13 9-15-20-

    This is true . . . . . . we all have to remember that we are sleeping with every person our partners have ever slept with, and vice versa.
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    decarli

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    2015-09-03 5-54-38-

    yes second this, heard it that way more often
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