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Pages: Now both of our ren ... [1]
Author Topic: Now both of our ren ...
lukehart

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2011-01-03 5-59-42-

Now both of our ren ... are failing classes. I expected this from our son, but I was very surprised that our daughter is now starting to not turn in assignments - she used to be the responsible (got As and Bs before, now 3 Fs and a D). I asked her if it was related to the divorce or the new boyfriend and she said no. I also asked if it was the World of Warcraft that she likes to play and that I pay for. She said that it was probably too much of the game (this is probably true, plus she sees what her brother gets away with). It is, however, nearly impossible to get her to talk about how she feels and I always feel like she is hiding her issues. Now, I accept my responsibility in this and have told my daughter that either her grades come up fast, or I stop paying for the damn game (something I never would have bought if I had known it cost $15 per month to play). But, I can't help but feel that if we weren't divorced that she wouldn't get away with this (her mother works nights and sleeps days, so I am certain that supervision at her house is lacking). Am I wrong to believe this? Are my ren just another statistic of divorce, or just normal teenagers?
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eckerle

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2011-01-03 14-36-29

ask in parenting forum...............
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weinrich

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2011-01-03 21-17-36

May be divorce related - get a new hobby.
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korenek

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2011-01-04 1-43-29-

You know the answer Of course this would not be happening if you played a greater role in their lives.The best interest of the seems to be the most bullshit thing I have ever heard. Do you get to speak to her daily?
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seymore

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2011-01-04 3-07-04-

Why not try this instead... Take the game away now and tell her if her grades pick up, then she can have it back. That's incentive to do better. Your way is allowing her to use the game and just hope while doing so, her grades improve. Make her work for it instead.
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  • demaio

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    2011-01-04 5-36-12-

    I thought of that too, but ... this is the first sign of this from her. I like to give people a second chance (most of the time).
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    turrill

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    2011-01-04 18-28-33

    Second chances are great however She's a (how old?) and it will be too tempting to play and then know when to put it away. It'll be easier to take it away and then give it back under circumstances; that she limit her usage to xxx number of minutes a day. School is more important than the game.
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    hyon

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    2011-01-04 21-39-57

    Neither... While your ren may be still adjusting to the divorce, you're not doing your ren a proper service if you're allowing them to become addicted to WoW. Asking your daughter what she thinks the reason is won't be enough. How many teens do you know of who want to be honest with their parents, knowing that the BF or WoW may be curtailed? As a parent, it's your job to maintain consistency and provide structure. If your ren are getting poor grades due to extracurricular activities/computer games, then it's your job as a parent to guide them and re-establish the level of structure they need. They aren't mature to be able to do this themselves. As far as getting teenagers to open up to their parents, this isn't completely uncommon. Again, as a parent, it's up to you to watch for warning signs and act as a parent. Instead of telling her that her grades need to come up or WoW will be cancelled, tell her you will cancel WoW until her grades come up. Why should she still be allowed her reward before she has put in the work to get the reward? Make sense? Supervision at her mom's house may be lacking. Do you communicate with her mom about this? About your ren's grades? If you're not communicating as parents, then this is also a problem. If your ex- is unwilling to listen, then all you can do is maintain boundaries and consistency when the are with you. Hope this helps.
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  • exposito

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    2011-01-04 21-55-59

    whoa slow down you don't have , don't want , don't want to parent someone else's , but you want to give parenting advice?
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    bucholz

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    2011-01-05 0-59-42-

    You don't know my background... so you can't possibly know if I'm qualified to give such advice or not.... BTW....I do have the qualifications, experience and training....so my feedback is based on my background and qualifications.
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    pitkin

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    2011-01-05 1-55-39-

    so lay em out I've read your last 30 day posts, I'm sticking with my intitial assesment
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    lindroth

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    2011-01-05 3-55-35-

    Not worth it... because even if I did, you'd find a way to knock me down.... You're already decided that I'm off base, so go ahead and continue believing that...you do not seem like you want to really "hear" what I'd be willing to divulge, so I'm not going to engage this any further.
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  • breth

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    2011-01-05 7-15-28-

    passive aggressive much?
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  • dame

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    2011-02-06 14-05-10

    Watching Dr. Phil is not qulifications,training
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    hamp

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    2011-02-17 6-21-40-

    I know, like watching Judge Judy makes you an expert on the court system. Too funny!
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    helfand

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    2011-02-20 15-18-29

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    brummond

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    2011-05-07 9-52-30-

    Oops, sorry. The BF is my ex's BF, not the daughter's. As for communicating with my ex, if I say anything even that directs the responsibility to her camp, she goes ballistic. In her eyes, everything is my fault (even her affair that she denies even happened - I have the love letter).
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  • martorelli

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    2011-10-18 8-27-45-

    Hmmm.... Well, that's sad... If your ex- isn't willing to co-parent with you then the are going to suffer. The best you can do then is to be a parent to your , provide the consistency and boundaries needed to realize that you're acting in their best interests. As they get older, they'll see who the "real" parent was in their lives. Good luck.
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  • bernhagen

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    2011-10-22 19-22-25

    how old is your daughter? I have found that many who did well in elementary lose their minds when puberty arrives... x and x seems to be the avg age for this to happen. I have several friends who's went through this. It's time to get tough. Which in your case will be nearly impossible as your ex is out to punish you.
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  • ferner

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    2012-07-15 9-51-31-

    She is nearly x. It was a little funny that I didn't even have to mention the grades themselves - I started by telling her that her "mother got something in the mail today; your report card." You could see it in her face.
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  • kieser

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    2013-04-07 4-16-48-

    Yep, she's lost her mind :) fortunately you can help. Talk to her school counselor. Arrange for her to stay in at lunch, she can get help at the school and work on assignments. Ask her every day what assignments are due. But first off, cancel her subscription to WOW. My son is x, he isn't allowed to play ANY video games during the week.
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    strause

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    2014-02-21 18-09-13

    You always seem to give really good advice mama I forgot all about the help they can get at school. But then again, my are all grown and I haven't had to deal with schools since, oh, last year.
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  • loos

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  • chiodo

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    2015-12-15 17-26-43

    You shut your mouth there target! He was a good man!
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