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Pages: Heart-Broken [1]
Author Topic: Heart-Broken
postema

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2011-01-03 2-53-57-

Heart-Broken So I am extremely heart-broken. Bf and I together almost 9 months and we had a giant fight this past weekend....screaming yelling the works. During the fight he told me he could see why my ex hit me, so I slapped him (i know wrong) and we kept fighting. He drove me home and needed a day to cool off. Talked to him the next day, said sorry and I'm changing yada yada yada. Then Monday comes and he can't get over the fight. He was done being mad, but said things changed after the fight and he didn't see "us" the same way anymore....compared it to how a woman doesn't see the man that hit her the same way anymore. He still loved me but he couldn't see it working out b/c he couldn't get over the fight and that he let himself get that way. He doesn't know if he can and doesn't want to string me along. Now I'm having a hard time with this b/c I don't want to be broken up and when we talked and I left, he was crying so hard. I want to him and meet up with him and try to set his mind straight, but I think that might be a bad idea. I'm 21 he's 24. Am I just being stupid and dumb for crying over a guy? Help!
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macewan

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2011-01-03 12-33-47

You made your bed - now lie in it. It IS just like when a man hits a woman - there should be no hitting from anyone in a relationship, ever. You sound just like an abuser - apologize and try to get him/her to see how you've changed, and try to talk them back into being with you. Here's a hint, true change doesn't happen overnight. You need to grow up first and work out your anger issues before you can be in a healthy relationship.
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allums

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2011-01-03 14-56-14

No sympathy No different than if he hit you. He should run. You should get anger management and learn how to behave like a civilized human being.
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  • babich

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    2011-01-03 20-04-16

    You hit him. It is physical abuse weather it is a man hitting a woman, or a woman hitting a man. The first thing I would tell a woman who was hit by her man is get the fuck out, get out quickly, and don't look back. This is exactly the same thing I would tell him. Get out, protect yourself, and move on. You crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed. If he were to take you back I would him a dumbass. Please find some help. You need it. If you cannot control yourself enough to not strike someone in anger, then you need lots of help to learn to control that.
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  • riegle

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    2011-01-03 21-45-57

    I would suggest you get some anger managment... There is no reason to hit someone you love. YOu have learned the might makes right and your wrong about that. YOu have to learn how to fight fair and to have some grace when you are upset. It cant be it is only going to be my way and there is no room for your differenting point of view. In the grown up word you compromise with the people you love. I think you need to move on from this relationship and work on your self so you dont keep having abusive relationships.
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    kunath

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    2011-01-04 1-48-27-

    You aren't stupid for feeling the way you are feeling. Period. If you let it consume you, then there might be a problem. I think letting him take some time and let him own his feelings by himself is a good idea. Plus, you need time to learn to control your feelings and express them without physical use.
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  • blunk

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    2011-01-04 6-31-03-

    Couples have arguments and sometimes they get ugly, and sometimes stupid things are said. And most couples, if they are really meant for each other, can get past that. But you raised a hand, and that's never acceptable. Regardless of what he said, hitting him crossed a line, and it's one that many people can't get back from. And you, as one who admitted below being hit in the past, should know that better then most. Consider for a moment you're reaction if he struck you? At this point you need to let it be. If he can get past this, he will . If he doesn't, then move on.
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  • Tesa

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    2011-01-04 7-39-00-

    We all fuck it up sometimes, here's the catch.. "I want to him and meet up with him and try to set his mind straight," Either that's one hell of a mistatement and not the meaning you want to convey or young lady, you have issues. His mind IS on straight, it's your's that's twisted. He's backed off and looked at the situation with some clarity and saw a dynamic in your relationship that was so fucked up that it came to blows. You think your problem is that you're crying over some guy? Your problem is you don't really see that you have one.
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  • luhrs

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    2011-01-17 8-58-15-

    Straight from the duck's mouth Leave him alone, if, and I do me if, he ever changes his mind I'm sure he will let you know. Save your appologies for that day, if it ever comes.
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    fine

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    2011-02-20 5-51-44-

    Agreed. This relationship is dead for now.
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    follis

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    2011-04-15 6-16-20-

    What's good for goose is good for the gander. What's bad for the goose is bad for the gander. Hitting? NEVER okay. He sounds like a pretty smart cookie to me. I would only fault him for one thing: he was wrong to have made the statement that he could see why your ex hit you. Apparently, that hit a sensitive nerve with you. Don't expect a quick fix. Listen to all the others who suggest anger management. It could save your life. One day, you might hit the wrong guy and be in a world of hurting, or possibly dead. Work on yourself.
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    kempf

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    2011-08-20 0-00-52-

    why did he make that comment? Do you behave in a way to start drama with your men so that they become out of control angry? I don't mean to blame you for your ex abusing you, but I have known women who will start drama that will really get under their mate's skin. It's never excuseable but you may need to ask yourself if you have a pattern of escalating a situation with your own behavior. I'm only saying this because of what your present BF said about he could see why your ex hit you and your reaction was to slap him like you were in a x's drama. Also, hopefully the present BF would never act on those words like the ex did but if you think he would be capable of it, you need to look at why you are attracted to men that might want to hit you.
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  • morro

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    2011-09-06 13-27-59

    looks like a good time for make-up sex plus with each fight you do learn a little something about the other person. Time to invite him over for a nice plate of pasta wearing nothing but an apron.
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    schue

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    2012-04-16 6-52-29-

    Is that how you'd advise a woman who's been hit by her boyfriend?
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  • merrell

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    2013-02-27 14-57-31

    apology for being the AGGRESSOR??? Oh yes, she owes him an apology, no doubt about that. But NOT for being the "aggressor" - she owes him an apology for wasting the last x months of his life and putting him through heartbreak. Apology for being the aggressor implies thator the other has to be the aggressor, and she simply took the wrong role.
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  • Hilda

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    2013-03-21 0-36-05-

    I'm sorry, but this advice is disgusting
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    brokaw

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    2014-02-09 15-24-37

    He's heartbroken, too. So sorry to both of you. This sucks, I know. But I can't help but think he's taking it harder than you are. You destroyed his respect for you, and trust that a loving relationship could be had with you. He's right to end the relationship now, no matter how much it hurts to do so. You're hurting too, but only because you can't get what you want - hence your statement to "set his mind straight." His mind IS on straight. It's yours which is crooked. You say you've changed... um, no, that doesn't happen overnight. It takes months, sometimes years for that change to occur. What's different about you NOW, so that the next time you won't get INTO such a huge argument? And if you do have one, how can you guarantee that your emotions won't get the best of you, causing you to hit again? You don't *know* that. You're thinking rationally now and you WANT to be changed, but in the heat of an argument, rational thought goes out the window. My best advice to you is to let him go. Easiest on him if you cut off all contact. DO NOT attempt to contact him again, ever. You'll both heal quicker from this if there's no lingering contact. Next, get yourself into an anger management class. Learn HOW to control those heated emotions, how to divert an argument before it gets heated, and how to get out of it before you lose control. Do this before you EVER consider a relationship with anyone else, especially with any ren you may have. I'd suggest counseling for you too, to figure out why you feel the need to hit people, and fix that. Were you abused as a ? Did you witness your parents hitting each other? Do you have poor impulse control? Figure it out, and do the therapy required to *really* change. You can't just SAY you've changed because you saw you made a mistake, and you want to never do that again. That's not change of behavior, only a change of heart. It won't prevent the same behavior from happening again. What steps have you taken to be sure it won't happen again? What REAL steps? What's your plan? What safeguards do you have in place? Anger management will teach you those steps and safeguards. I recommend you go get them.
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  • severini

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    2014-06-15 10-48-07

    No you are not stupid and dumb for crying over a guy. That is the way of all relationships when you become heavily invested emotionally. You both are still quite young and both still learning that relationships are not all lovey dovey. Those people that you are most intimate with are the ones that can hurt you most emotionally. He knows many of your triggers (hot points) and you his. He was wrong in choosing to useof yours in the argument. Hopefully both of you will own up to each of your parts in this whole mess. Both of you need to learn how to argue fairly. Both of you were wrong! Both of you are normal, just inexperienced. Books out there to read and seek other help. I will say this, you will be stupid and dumb if you walk away from all this without learning from this incidence. Feeling sorry for him, the incidence, the argument, and yourself is all a waste if you don't take this as a wake up and work on some things about yourself. He also has much to learn. btw: I am still learning.
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    celaya

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    2014-09-08 12-36-18

    So do I just leave him alone? Every part of me is itching to him and try to talk to him....but then I think it might not be a good idea....
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  • ruoxin

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    2015-09-06 11-35-59

    does he leaves you alone is the question he comes across as some abusive loser of a stalker also.
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  • meche

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    2016-01-21 1-55-16-

    Why would you say that? All you know about this person is what she's telling you, and her agenda is obvious. Don't you think it's possible that what he said, while cruel, may have some merit? Obviously noshould be physiy abused (although clearly the OP doensn't agree), but maybe he was trying to tell her that SHE is abusive in relationships. I wonder what behavior he was referring to? Isn't that an important thing to be aware of?
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  • orvis

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    2016-04-05 10-40-23

    So, you're only going to respond to posters who let you off easy with "both of you were wrong," and tell you that your behavior is "normal"? Does it concern you that pretty much everyone else has pointed out that you abused him? Do you have any thoughts about that? You aren't interested in change, or your fault in this - you just want someone to tell you to go ahead andhim. Do you typiy have out of control, screaming fights in your relationships? Why don't you acknowledge what everyone else is telling you?
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