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Pages: Order of protection/IL divorce questions [1]
Author Topic: Order of protection/IL divorce questions

Posts: 32

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2011-01-08 16-22-23

Order of protection/IL divorce questions Ok...husband is controlling, narcasistic w Borderline Personailty Disorder...won't seek help for it, feels everyone else is the problem. There's been domestic violence in the past and now it involves the and I'm ready to leave. On Monday, I finally got the courage to the police when I got scared during an arguement. He threw a glass of milk in my face, then proceeded to yell at me, while grabbing my arms. were present and screaming at him (ages 5, 3 and 8 months). I pulled away and ed police for the first time. I decided to make him leave for the night and not have him arrested, even tho police said I could. I felt there were no marks on me and it was just the milk in my face that would be put down as battery, which seems silly to me. He has controll of all finances and since he fears I'm ready to walk, he has cut up all my cards but 1 (I only have 1 in my name alone, the rest are joint, but my name is not on bank account) On the 1 card, he is only putting $100 at a time on it suddenly. I have no degree and no money except the $100...I was told by a domestic violence advocate that the courts here like too see file an order of protection within 72hrs of incident, but my money situation is scary.... what to do?
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Posts: 21

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2011-01-15 9-25-13-

file and go to a shelter
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  • Mariel

    Posts: 8

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    2011-01-29 0-30-45-

    bullshit, he hasn't been charged nor diagnosed. she is going to make him lose his job. she needs ti file for divorce and get out. too many think they need cps, thet fuck up your life and take over, if not your
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  • ruelas

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    Posts: 3

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    2011-03-01 21-42-26

    sorry but you are the bullshitting Yikes!! It is ok to be ignorant on a subject, but if you are, you should refrain from advising people on what to do. How do you know he has not been diagnosed? It is highly unlikely the guy will lose his job because of dv charges-but if he were to lose his job-it is because of HIS OWN ACTIONS-not because she reported it. That is like saying the person killed by the drunk driver is to blame for getting the drunk driver in trouble. Or blaming the robbery victim for the robber's sentence. Lets start making people accountable for their own actions. She will not likely be able to get an order for protection without it reporting it. She will need that kind of documentation in the likely upcoming custody battle. I have learned the hard way that if you scared to reveal the abuse til after you feel you are safely out of the house-that your concerns will likely be dismissed and your will end up being forced to live with him half the time.
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  • printz

    Posts: 20

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    2011-03-08 21-02-31

    I know because she sounds exactly like my ex Except my ex actually filed a TRO. It takes a lot to diagnose someone with any mental disorder and not many people are going to go in to get that diagnosed anyway. Your analogies are ridiculus, she has to accept all responsibilities here. She claims all this abuse but still lives with it, must not be too bad. I'm guessing she has been talking to friends, watching Oprah and reading Cosmo. The govt effort to curb DV is tearing the world up, half of DV is caused by the women, but rarely gets reported or any charges filed.
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    Posts: 17

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    2011-03-26 2-44-09-

    File the order of protection Get in touch with a shelter.
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    Posts: 5

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    2011-08-27 0-02-45-

    irony of a RO suggested from
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    2011-11-19 0-04-37-

    Sailor, have you finally accepted your sickness?
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  • Phoebe

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    Posts: 32

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    2011-11-25 11-08-10

    If you feel you're in danger Contact a local women shelter and you and the go there. However, if you feel comfortable staying, you are better off getting your ducks in a row first. Figure out how to put money aside for your own place (if you currently rent) start applying for jobs (the market is bad so it may take a while) and learn how to be independent. You're going to have three to support and believe me, you can't count on support to do it. Many men simply do not pay or do not pay what they are supposed to. Good luck.
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  • wallenberg

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    2012-08-31 7-44-17-

    How much have you contributed to the domestic violence? Are there church members standing by ready to testify that you have publicly engaged in violence against other family members, including your husband? If so, rethink the advise you will get here. A woman, ANY woman with broken arms and black eyes has no validity to file for domestic violence because of the false accusations of those that came before her.
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    Posts: 53

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    2013-03-24 12-59-12

    I don't get why any woman allows a man control over her life, no money, name not on bank accounts etc. It would be different if both had their own accounts and were both putting money into their own account, fine, but here youhave x small ren and you let him get away with this. Pack up what you can, make sure take whatever important paperwork you will need, birth certificates of the , and whatever else you may need and flee asap. You said it, he's boderline personality order and denies it. Leave and leave quickly.
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  • godfrey

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    2014-02-11 17-25-49

    So you don't see why people are doormats
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  • kathan

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    2014-07-11 9-30-51-

    It sounds like good advise But you only hear half of the story, and then you give advise that is essentially: Destroy the family. Condemn the ren to a broken house. Do as much damage to the father as quick as you can. IMHO, your advise sucks.
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  • weirauch

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    2015-06-13 6-29-23-

    That's all we have to go by and that's what's posted. I'm not ASSume there is more to the story, I'm sure there is. OP asks and I answered. I'm not got to look deeper and think something that isn't posted. She's in fear and has no money, that was the bottom line and that's what I responded to. If there's more, then hopefully she'll tell it. If not, then I won't assume. Not trying to break up the home, but if a woman is in fear for herself and her and doesn't have money, she should take what she has and go to a shelter. Maybe her husband can seek help for his problem, but from her post he is in denial.
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    Posts: 55

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    2015-10-22 9-06-16-

    What is it were a man Who got milk thrown at him and his arm grabbed. Would we be telling him to go to a shelter or file for assault? No, this is never okay. I would be the firstto agree with the shelter idea if he had hit her, tried to stranger her,even shoved her. But the milk in the face isn't working for me. I have thrown a garbage bag box at my husband when pissed that he didn't put in a new bag and hit him in the head. I was pissed and that was stupid but the point wasn't to inflict pain it was done in anger. I would like to know if OP is in fear because he has a temper, threw a dishtowel at her and yells at her or has he ever struck her or threatened to do so. It is a slippery slope.
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    2015-12-11 15-53-13

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