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Pages: Lazy SO [1]
Author Topic: Lazy SO
eyrich

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2011-01-03 4-24-22-

Lazy SO refuse to help tutor my 12 year old son. SO is very good at math and has helped my son go from mostly D's to B's and A's. Lately, SO is on the computer or talking on the phone with her friends and family. My son had asked my SO for help for nights in a row and SO said she was too tired from work and then she logs onto her computer and watch a movie, chat, or read. She keeps telling my son to ask me for help knowing I do not know pre-algebra. I think my SO changed when she started to loss weight. She was very helpful and caring. I'm not sure what to do. I want my old SO back.
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Hanns

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2011-01-04 0-07-38-

are you too lazy to learn pre-algebra? Being tired from work and wanting to unwind as opposed to tutor your son doesn't sound like laziness, it sounds like healthy boundaries. Why don't you pay for a tutor?
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  • edlyn

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    2011-01-04 6-56-19-

    I have a SLD making math difficult for me. Are you saying its okay for a parent figure to refuse to help a ?
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  • Charmain

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    2011-01-04 7-43-09-

    Is the kid her or your ? Sounds to me that she's losing interest in being together.
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  • presti

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    2011-01-04 10-35-46

    Ultimately, you are the parent, sir. She is not. YOU, by not hiring a tutor, are the parent who is refusing to help YOUR . She helped tutor your kid, what a gem! She is not obligated to tutor your . Your is YOUR responsibility. Man up, and pay a tutor 20 bucks. And stop taking your SO for granted, or she will be gone so fast it will give you whiplash, TRUST me.
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  • janas

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    2011-01-04 13-31-34

    you are the refusing to help the . it is not her responsibility, so yes, your girlfriend can refuse to tutor your son. you, however, need to get him the help he needs. clearly, you may have to find someone outside of the home to assist him.
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    eutsler

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    2011-01-05 6-58-25-

    Are you saying your so-ed LD excuses you from all responsibilities? Yeah, go out and have anyway, and leave someone else to clean up your mess cause, y'know, you're excused because of some nonexistent condition! Let me guess: you are, or have been, on government assistance.
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  • sturgill

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    2011-01-05 8-24-03-

    I am heated right now. I quit school at 15 and had to picked up a trade. I have physical disabilities and was diagnosis with a learning disorder in school. I still work hard and play hard. My SO has none of the above problems and still refuse to help.
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    bhoothap

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    2011-01-05 9-05-48-

    Hate to tell ya but you can't make your SO do what you think she should do. I am assuming the kid is yours and therefore it seems your SO feels it's your responsibility. Hmmm..... started to change when she started losing weight, talking to her friends and on the computer. This doesn't sound good at all.
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    tarr

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    2011-01-05 11-26-04

    Yeah! She would spend 10-40 minutes monday-thursday helping him. Now she is too tired to help. This has been going on for a couple of weeks.
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    elamin

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    2011-01-05 12-20-24

    Did you pay her for her work?
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  • piver

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    2011-01-11 22-43-28

    What do yo do to help her, so she can have that time available to tutor? If you can't tutor him yourself, seems fair you could cook dinner, do dishes, do a couple loads of laundry, clean the bathroom, etc. Work out an agreement with her! At least make her feel like her time is valuable to you, too - not just to help your son.
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    sorlie

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    Posts: 16

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    2011-02-15 1-43-13-

    Why was he being a PITA??? Oh no not your sweet baby?? I think you need to ask him why she in no longer willing to help. I think he is being taught a lesson and you have not figured that out. I would talk to your son I am betting he know what is going on.
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  • hoekstra

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    2011-03-03 6-14-36-

    Those are not reasons why she should do anything. You're not her charity case, you're her SO, and he is your kid. Are you saying that because you have problems you can't handle the responsibilities of a parent? Then give up your son to adoption or foster care or something. Work hard and "play hard?" So you *do* have the energy, time, and money to hire a tutor. Man up and do it.
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    scism

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    2011-06-29 8-58-23-

    I would guess that she is upset with something in your relationship, and is withdrawing. I think instead of getting mad at her, think of the last thing she asked you to do around the house, or do with her, or whatever, and do it--I bet the next night she helps your kid with the math.
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    eigner

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    2011-07-05 15-12-30

    Well, it can be looked at both ways. On hand, your son isn't her kid - she doesn't have the responsibility to tutor him. On the other, by dating & living with you, she does have some sort of role in your son's life. Have you discussed what her role is to be? What your epectations are? What hers are? I'd say that this is a case of he's-not-my-kid delegation. In fairness, if she is wooped from work, unwinding with a movie or chat is a nice way to end the day. It's a luxury that parents don't often have...and clearly she doesn't see herself in a parental role.
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    nerissa

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    2011-07-23 5-18-28-

    Try this Go to khan academy dot org. It is a wonderful, FREE website that has math and science tutorials and more. Highly recommended.
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    bianchi

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    2012-01-20 14-58-48

    Cool site. I am going to see what I remember from school. This may be very very humbling.
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  • Torcac

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    Posts: 14

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    2012-05-12 17-05-25

    it is NOT her job. to assist YOUR son with his school work. that is YOUR job. absolutely. it doesn't mr if she is good at math, or if she used to help, it is not her responsibility no mr how you flip it. and if you can't help him, then you need to get him a tutor or help him find an afterschool program that can help. if you are the parent, then this all falls on you. sorry, but that's the situation.
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  • ramel

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    Posts: 52

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    2012-08-07 14-02-41

    My ’s self-esteem increased with my SO help. He reads books for fun and is always telling me what he learn about science. She opened the door of learning when nobody elso could. My son looked so disappointed when my SO turned his request for help down. Any tips for tonight? How can a woman refuse to help her boyfriend’s son? Sure, it is not her job, but we live together and both do things outside of our roles. I am so disappointed in her. I will have a heart to heart talk with her tonight if she does this again.
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  • Marleen

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    Posts: 39

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    2012-12-05 4-08-09-

    You need to talk to her...first. Don't wait for her to refuse to help your son. Talk first. Find out why she doesn't want to help anymore. Ask her if there is something that she needs from you so she can help. Ask her if there is a trade of sorts ya'll can do - like you make & clean up dinner so she is free. Don't her "lazy", by the way. Don't get upset with her. Be open & understanding.
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    juliacapel

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    2013-03-02 18-38-18

    ask her about it. you are not ENTITLED to her help, just because she is good at math and dating you. find out why she doesn't want to do it anymore. i liked the suggestion of how you might help out more or make her more available to tutor. for example, cooking dinner, doing some extra cleaning, laundry, etc.
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  • maheu

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    Posts: 58

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    2014-01-20 5-06-29-

    Trophy Husbands The problem with being a trophy husband, where he has the looks and she has the brains, is that it defies the natural order of mating. It sounds like your SO has completed her time as a unique individual and now she wants to be "normal". She is trying to transition to the traditional man/woman roles where the man does the math, while the woman looks pretty and gossips.
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    lamas

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    2014-02-06 20-25-42

    I disagree with most - she HAS set a precedent in this already, by volunteering to tutor the kid over a period of time. She helped him bring grades up. The kid obviously appreciated her help, else he would not ask for more of it. What right does the GF have to help the kid to this point, and then just give up on him??? Yes, I think it's selfish. Not lazy, but selfish. She signed up for this game, now she ought to see it through to the end of the school year, or until he's able to fly on his own, at least. To the OP: Unfortunately, you can't make her do what she doesn't want to do. But you ought to talk to her about why she's changed her mind, leaving this high and dry when he still needs her help. Ask what you can do to help so she'll have more time free, and be more willing to help him. If she still refuses, then stand by your . If his grades start to slip, but he's still trying his best, then hire a tutor for him. Also, be aware it's possible your GF knows he CAN do this on his own, but he's feigning helplessness as a way of getting attention. Could be she's simply forcing him to depend on his own smarts to figure it out, instead of depending on her. As long as he's still making A's and B's, this is probably the right approach.
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  • santon

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    2015-06-23 20-21-13

    If he wants her to take this kind of unpaid family responsibility, why not come up with a ring, marry her and have her adopt the ?
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    kabler

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    2015-07-03 15-41-02

    why did she volunteer for it in the first place?
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  • nixdorf

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    2015-08-11 19-11-27

    Thanks for giving me pointers on how to start the conversation. It is a great feeling seeing my who use to hate math enjoy it so much. He use to come home with the math blues almost everyday. I do not want him to fall behind again. I don't understand how she can do this to him. She saw how trouble my son was about math and she helped him succeed.
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    fram

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    2015-12-18 11-26-52

    YOU are theletting your son down. YOU are the father. It's YOUR responsibility. Just cause she did you a favor once, you expect it forever? How can YOU do this to him? How can YOU sit around and pick your nose while your son is struggling? Grow some balls and pay a tutor. And you may want to watch while your girlfriend finds a man who doesn't take her for granted.
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  • stephana

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    2016-01-18 15-32-14

    She probably got tired of doing unpaid frequent and constant tutoring. She probably did it for a while as a favor and then had enough. Or maybe she has seen that the kid needs so much remedial help that she had worked her way into a never-ending unpaid job. wil bet the SO already does a lot to contribute to the boy's existence and does not need additional duties. Most do not need tutors, their brains are sufficient to learn the normal stuff. Those who require tutors are usually tutored by the parent or someone the parent hires. Is there any reason you cannot educate yourself enough to help your kid? Or hire a tutor? Or make a financial or other arrangement with the girlfriend to handle the tutoring?
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