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Pages: What about religion? [1]
Author Topic: What about religion?
Gerty

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2011-01-02 23-31-59

What about religion? I enjoyed the thread on differing economic status, but what about religion. Anyone in a successful interfaith relationship? The only thing my gf and I ever fight over is religion. We have pretty much agreed to disagree on the topic, but due to her devout beliefs I fear that religion will become more of an issue as our relationship progresses.
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forys

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2011-01-03 13-32-14

I don't think I could ever be in a serious relationship with a member of any organized religion. Especially the big ones - Christianity, Judaism, Islam. The more devout, dogmatic and non-questioning the person, the wider berth I tend to give them. To me the mysteries of nature, life, creation, how to do good, and what is right and wrong are living wonders, things to be addressed with my whole life, on a daily basis. I mistrust relying on a book or a building or someone else's moral code. I respect the faith of others, and many churches and faiths do good works as a group, but religious dogma and church doctrines and mindless group-think give me the willies. Big time. I wouldn't want it as part of my daily life. Shamanism and other more individual and earth-based forms of worship and reverence are different to me. They seem OK. But anything taken to extremes is dangerous.
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kanner

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2011-01-03 13-38-09

What she said!
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patience

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2011-01-03 15-09-18

That's what I was afraid of.... Going into the relationship I knew that she was Jewish, I just didn't know how jewish! I thought it was just a cultural thing. Ugh!
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  • maisel

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    2011-01-03 18-42-12

    my last gf was jewish but that was the least of our problems. It gets tougher in a relationship when you have very different values (fiscal, moral, political, religious). Thing is, a good match is very hard to find. I think it *is* possible to work around these things, but it's much easier if you end up with someone who is more on par with what you can personally relate to. Big deviations in values can create a large chasm between you. Bridges can be build but they're high maintenance. It's just a question of whether union is worth the effort and the cost. /metaphor
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  • knapke

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    2011-01-03 19-44-01

    i know a very successful heterosexual couple--- the man is very jewish, the wife is very catholic. (probably the best couple i've ever witnessed... with the man doing the dishes and all) Due to their strong love and dedication to just being good people, they have learned to respect the other's beliefs out of love. their son learns about both religions, and it is ok with both parents if he leans either way. so, anyone throwing their religion at you "my way or the highway (to hell)" is not the kind of person you'd want to even be friends with... so why date them? you need to respect each other's beliefs. also remind them that some people question homosexuality because of religion, so how can she be so righteous on something that could possibly be picked apart and taken in all different contexts?
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  • tarr

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    2011-01-03 21-55-33

    i'd say it has to be taken on a case by case basis. organized religion isn't monolithic, people aren't puppets, being devout is not the same as being dogmatic or non-questioning, blah blah blah. how can you know what being Christian, Jewish, ormeans to an individual person if you don't get to know them? i'm sure you can think of some highly admirable and interesting people who are (or were when they were alive) devout members of an organized religion. steering clear of dogmatic, non-questioning people in general is excellent advice. i don't like dogmatic vegans or holier-than-thou leftists or fox news any better than i like fundamentalists up my ass about being gay.
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    feldmeier

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    2011-01-03 22-05-53

    You make excellent points, hbi And it's true that you can't always equate being devout with being dogmatic. I did write in generalizations. But I do believe what I wrote. And I am suspicious of any dogma. Even, sometimes, my own! I do know lots of people that I love and respect who are devoutly religious - my Mom for I'm just not sure I would end up dating someone who was.
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    2011-01-04 6-25-55-

    excellent!
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    spiro

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    2011-01-04 14-50-23

    Amen! Oh, I mean, I agree whole heartedly!
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  • larabee

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    2011-01-04 20-48-12

    I'm not at all religious, in an organized religion sort of way, so for me its a total non-issue.
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  • lookabill

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    2011-01-04 23-11-32

    Interesting... I think for me and my relationship, my SO is a total non-believer of anything "out there". Me, on the other hand, though I'm not necessarily a fan of organized religion, but I do feel that I connect with different concepts from those religions. Like, for example, I believe in angels, fairies, spirits, spirit guides, etc... My SO... well, doesn't. Doesn't even believe in believing in them!! LOL I believe in re-incarnation. SO does NOT. I believe that after life here on Earth, we all go to place where we map our next life or where we decide to it quits and just hang out, bettering our spirits there! My SO doesn't know what to believe in that aspect. LOL. So, we just talk mainly about goals and life here. We don't focus at all on religion or the like. We leave it as a "no trespassing" z
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    Orlyn

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    2011-01-05 2-34-32-

    DITTO 100% "Doesn't even believe in believing in them!!" my ex was an atheist, but claimed to be agnostic. being an atheist to me is just as bad as being a devout anything. how can either party say "this is 100% true, that there is/isn't ________" I could deal with dating either one, but in the end i believe we do have a soul... and i believe we map out our next life to learn what we need to. is their a God, Buddha? Jesus? etc etc? Who knows. The only thing I believe for sure is that the old testament of the bible is FICTION... and if we are born here by a freak accident that doesn't mean our existing scientific energy doesn't spend an eternal life.
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    printz

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    2011-01-05 2-50-49-

    why are you looking for women to hit on at bars if you have a SO?
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  • glidewell

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    2011-01-05 6-18-48-

    hmm... excellent question, Ms. Queen
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    chinnici

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    2011-01-10 20-10-58

    For me, the spiritual quest (together) is a vital part of a relationship. I think I could respect all beliefs as long as mine were equally respected. The "I am right, you are wrong" stuff doesn't fly with me.
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    barberis

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    2011-01-18 23-00-05

    what if they are Scientologists?
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    hoefler

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    2011-01-22 18-36-27

    I would find that interesting, something to learn about, but they would not chose to be with me, I assume, since i would not "convert" Must admit I know very little about it.
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  • ferencz

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    2011-02-22 18-38-52

    Have a look at xenu.net.
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  • andrus

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    2011-05-21 6-43-29-

    As long as she respects and is tolerant of other folk's beliefs, that's ok with me.
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    haldeman

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    2011-11-05 14-10-05

    from looking at your history you say you respect her beliefs, so what is the problem? she wants to raise your ren jewish? keep a kosher kitchen? what are the arguments about, exactly?
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    feeny

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    2011-12-09 14-42-15

    I don't want my ren to go to a religous school for If there was a male ... I don't know how I feel about the whole circumcision thing. She is respectful of my beliefs, but I don't want mine to be overlooked in order to not disrespect her culture I honestly look at her differently for her beliefs... they give me a totally different perception of her.
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    Koo

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    2012-09-24 15-38-13

    that's a real problem, then i'd advise you NOT to have until you get your compromises worked out. maybe they can go to secular schools with hebrew school as an after school activity - would that be okay with you? the circumcision thing - my personal take is that it's not that big of a deal if it's important to the other parent, but the circumcision=mutilation folks would not agree. this isof the few cases where i'd also advise professional help, too. you're not the first mixed marriage in the world, and i bet there are counselors who specialize in just these issues. heck, you're in new york! i bet you can't swing a cat without hitting a jewish marriage counselor specializing in lesbian relationships.
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  • Idalia

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    2013-06-22 16-07-24

    circumcision=mutilation folks i don't frown upon those who get it done, but i think it would be beneficial for a male NOT to lose part of his penis. (as much as i am disgusted and not caring about penises, i wouldn't want my clitoris cut down for some religion) if you find it important and interesting, make her watch this video. and continue with part x and x. this made me even more against it!!!!!!!
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  • prentiss

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    2013-12-17 13-30-10

    they say it is for cleansliness, but they can learn how to keep them clean. i understand many of you probably have circumcised sons, so sorry to whoever gives this negatives. at this point in history it seems that in is very unnecessary, only appropriate for vanity or religion. i'll have to ask more of my male friends if they are happy to be circumcised.
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  • spidell

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    2014-01-30 21-04-54

    the best medical justification I've read is that it cuts down greatly on H.I.V. transmission. Not because of cleanliness but because the foreskin contains a lot of Langerhan's cells which proved an entryway for H.I.V.
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    Meridel

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    2015-06-19 8-46-29-

    so it can be beneficial... then again never having sex ever would also be a way of preventing HIV. or even cutting off the entire penis. that would work. it's a true argument, but a poori believe. we criticize other nations for cutting off female clitorises. sure it prevents them from wanting premarital sex (or ever wanting sex at all), but how can we say it's ok to do it to men but not women!? they may look weird to others and get made fun of forminutes, but that won't scar them for life. it's like telling a homosexual to stay in the closet because of social acceptance. leave the damn penis al.. ask them when they're a consenting 'penis trimming age', give them the info, pros and cons, and if they want it chopped off at age x to look like their friends, i'd be very surprised.
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    wiens

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    2015-09-13 19-37-58

    It also reduces HPV transmission but there is a vaccine for HPV now and the vaccine seems like a much less invasive solution. Anyway adult men can get circumcised so if an x year old man plans to get married toperson or only have a few sexual partners he probably wouldn't want to get circumcised to halve his H.I.V. risk because his risk is low. If he planned on having multiple partners he might decide to both use condoms and get circumcised. Either way it should be his personal choice not a decision about his body that other people get to make.
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